Where did the years go?

So much has happened, so much has changed, I don't really know where to start...

I finally regained access to this account, and so this blog, which I have not updated for some time.  I suppose as things in certain areas began to get worse it just took all the energy that I had to get through the days.  So I regained access.  That's good.

Then one of those things, look what you did on this day three years ago popped up.  That is a mixed blessing right now, but let's not get into that in this blog.

Three years ago I had seen that my wife was not happy, she was feeling down.  I believe the seemingly immediate cause was due to her mother taking back the mixer thing she used to make these delightful culinary baked goods, cookies and cakes and such.  It turns out that it wasn't quite that simple, but perhaps I will get into that at a later time.  I'm sure that I will, but not right now.

So, when there was time, money and opportunity I took my wife and daughter into Bloomingdale's in Manhattan.  We got a mixer, and a dress, as well as dresses for my daughter.  We ate at a burger place in Bloomingdale's, like my parents did with me when I was a kid, and went to FAO's and CB2 to look at furniture.  

I remember that day, and thinking how nice it was to be able to do things like that, and spend time, and make my wife and daughter feel special.  I remember that day clearly, I remember believing that things were good, and looking up.  I know I was happy.     

Memories

Today was a day for the books, and, one I felt compelled to write about, so here it goes.

Today, I felt the weight of years fall off my shoulders, I felt the possibilities of boundless tomorrows, I felt alive in a way that I have not in years. This is, I believe, a good thing, as things go.

This morning I walked my daughter to Summer Camp at East School. A place that I myself went to 35 years ago. Thirty-five years, can you imagine that? Anyway, I walked her there, dropped her off in a dimly remembered room, then turned to leave after she gave me a big hug and kiss, saying, “I love you Daddy!” and walked outside. Going down the steps I looked up and I saw not the playground that is there now, but the East School playground of my youth, the one with the Rocket Slide that you could jump to the roof from, the old monkey bars and stone turtle, the old green rubber stuff on the floor. It was there for a moment in my eyes, and the kids running around for just that split second were me and my friends, people I still know, though not like I used too, but certainly that I could say hello too. I remembered my camp counselors, especially a girl named Felicia, who I thought was so pretty, and that we sang Sgt. Peppers in our camp song, I remembered it all so clearly for a moment, then it was gone. Lost, but not forgotten.

A few minutes later I was picked from a friend, whom with I have re-connected, but I’ve already written about that. We talked about old times, and new times, and a bunch of other stuff as we went to pick up my new boat.

Yes, I bought a 17’ Boston Whaler, but had to shoot out to exit 63 to pick it up. So Devon helped me, and we picked up the boat, and drove it back, got to Point Lookout, and backed it into the water, where it sits right now, tied to the dock where the old boat used to be. Oddly enough, the boat is not what I am writing about, not directly anyway.

When the boat got in the water, and my feet got wet, and I felt comfortable, something wonderful happened. For about 5 minutes, I was 16 again. I was out, in Reynolds Channel, I was on the water with the sun shining down on me, I was moving fast, the salt spray was wetting me, and I was smiling from ear to ear. For a few minutes I forgot everything that happened to me in the past 26 years, and I became a young man with limitless possibilities and no fears or worries or regrets, or losses or responsibilities, only dreams and wishes and joy at the sun and the air and the water and the boat and me, flying along the bay. Even now I close my eyes and I soar with the child I once was, and the hopes I once had.

I sit here now, with dried salt on my arms, my face feeling tight from the salt and the sun, my arms are bronzed, and my heart is light.

Those 5 minutes were heaven, and a feeling I had not been able to achieve for a long time.