Snuggles and Buggles

Snuggles and Buggles

Snuggles and Buggles instead of Snug as a Bug in a Rug. That's what Madison says when she wants to cuddle u and go to sleep. Poprise is the word she uses for a present she thinks is for her, or for a present she wants to give to you. Checkup is, in our house, Ketchup. These words, and her way of speaking them are treasures to me, and I cherish them, the way I cherish the "eh' that she used to greet me with as a 4 month old.  Life just keeps changing, new people in, old people out. One of those old people is on the way out. My grandmother stroked again today, after the second procedure to unclog her arteries. When I spoke with her last week she was ready to die, she said, and I believe that is true. My grandmother has always been strong, independent, and stubborn. Not warm and cuddly, but I love her, and I will miss her. As a child I spent alot of time at her house, and I wish sometimes that I could go back in time to be Madison's age at my Grandmother's house. My Great-Grandmother would have been alive, and my Great-Great Aunt Mima, my Great Aunt Josie would have been there, and of course my Grandfather, Papa Tom, would have been there smoking his Lucky Strikes. I would have been playing on the floor, probably with an old coffee grinder I used to love to crank, and there would have been no other kids, because I was the first. My Mother would have been pregnant with my brother, and my father would probably be there too, and Aunt Lorraine and Uncle Carmine. The house would have smelled like food, and cigarette smoke, and despite the way it sounds, that would not have been a bad thing.  I would have been running back and forth to different people doing different things, and my Grandfather's laugh, which I can still hear, would have echoed through the house. My Grandfather laughed alot, I never remember him angry. I'm sure he was at times, but I have no memory of that. My Grandmother was always so serious, she didn't laugh much, but when she did she was beautiful. I'm much more like my Grandfather, I think, but I have some of Rose in me at times. My grandmother used to make delicious sauce, and the best meatballs I have ever had. When we had a holiday dinner at her house the food seemed to flow endlessly, and then the adults would play nickel-dime poker. I would fall asleep on the couch, or in Nanny's bed, knowing that I was safe. So many people I once knew are gone, so many pillars that I once relied on have been taken away, and as frightening as it may seem, i am now a pillar. I don't remember what words I shared with my Grandmother, I'm sure there were some, and i remember my brother's, but my own are unknown to me. I am sad, just very sad right now. I hope that she knows that she is loved, I hope that she will find a Happy place where she is going, and I hope that I can help the people that may need to feel better feel that way. I wanted to write about my daughter, and in the midst of those thoughts came the call about Grandma. This blog may not be the most cohesive one, but it is a very heartfelt one.